The Girl in Black

Se necesita una poca de gracia.

Monday, November 28, 2005

And now for something completely different,

A man with three buttocks.

Okay, so I've always wanted to say that. So sue me. ;-p

Anyway, it occurred to me today that part of this whole "lonliness" schtick of mine, and other slightly angsty thoughts I have been having (they're getting annoying, but more like a mosquito bite than an open wound, thank The Goddess) are occurring because part of me wants to feel this way. Seriously.

It reminds me of one of the many astrological "reports" that tarot.com sucks me into on occasion (the tarot readings are great, but the astrology reports can be hit or miss). It was analyzing how I am in relationships, and various other related things, and pointed out something that keeps popping into my mind.

"You associate close relationships with both longing and loneliness and may be unclear about roles."

There were a couple of other statements that seem to hit the nail on the head, but that really doesn't matter. What does matter is that I don't have to be the person my natal chart says I am.

What!? Miss Rose The Astrology Nut saying that astrology doesn't have to define a person?

There's a "secret truth" about astrology, actually. Most astrology is just a suggestion of how things probably are. Nothing is ever set in stone. And that goes for the personality defining stuff too. Sure, it's fun, and can be helpful in getting to know yourself and others (if you're into that kind of thing), but there are just as many good things as bad in anyone's chart.

And nobody has to be anybody forever.

So maybe there's something more I can be. But not just with that silly relationship crap. Maybe I can be better in lots of ways. I've worked through so much baggage already, maybe I can work through some more. Maybe I can be a "different" person entirely. The best "me" ever, even.

I can't shake the feeling that there's something more out there for me than what I have, and what I'm doing. Just because I don't know what it is doesn't mean it's not true or real. Maybe part of finding it is in further transforming myself into someone I want to be even more than I am.

But still me, of course. I'll never be anyone else, but I couldn't be anyone better. :-)

1 Comments:

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