The Girl in Black

Se necesita una poca de gracia.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Zen and the art of personal maintenance...

I can't remember if this was told to me as a joke, or if it was explained as allegory, but I do find it amusing.

A Confucianist, a Buddhist, and a Zen monk are all standing around a bowl of vinegar. Each dips their finger into the bowl, and tastes the vinegar. The Confucianist and the Buddhist both grimace at the taste, and proclaim that the vinegar tastes terrible, and isn't it oh so awful. (or something. my memory is lacking, please forgive)

But the Zen monk tastes the vinegar and smiles, because it tastes exactly as it should.

I like that. It's harder to apply in real life, but once you get it, you get it. I just don't always get it. What I'm trying to figure out is how to allow the old bitternesses in my life to be as they are, and not grimace at the taste anymore. I won't say it's ridiculous to carry around a hurt that I've had since I was six years old, but I will say that it's probably about time to let it go.

I suppose that if what had happened hadn't happened, there would still be suffering in my life. It's silly to think otherwise. And my path may not have even been realized like I think it would have been, if things hadn't happened the way they did.

But dammit, a girl can dream, can't she?

*sigh* The thing that makes me sad is that it's time to find a new dream. It's been time for a long time. So, maybe one last hurrah of angst, and then? Well, I couldn't really say. I haven't had a real dream in a long, long time. Most people who know me now know a girl without one. And it's also funny, all of my secrets are really things that are just common knowledge to people who don't know me anymore.

It's all just stuff that no one knows anymore.


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