The Girl in Black

Se necesita una poca de gracia.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Alive and kicking!

And without all the caffeine of that last post.

Spent some good quality time with my boy this weekend. We laughed, we cried, we did naughty things. Time with boy is always well spent.

Did I mention that he got me a random present?

It was quite the surprise! The first thing he did when we got back to his place was pull me into his bedroom to give me this surprise he'd been hinting at for the past month or so. (I got him good with a really nice Zippo from Japan, and apparently he just couldn't be outdone...) He handed me the dual disc "Greatest Hits" PS1 version of ChronoTrigger and Final Fantasy 4 (which, I realized later, is my beloved "Final Fantasy 2," which was how they released it in the U.S.). "How sweet! Now I don't have to go hunt it down when I finally get that PS2 that I've been meaning to get!" I thought.

And then he says "Oh yeah, you're going to need something to save your game with too." And he comes back with, yup, a PS2!

Color me surprised! OMG! He even got me other things I'd need, like memory cards for both systems and a warranty! In't he so sweet? I got in too late to hook it up last night, but I think that's on the agenda for this evening, after I finally do something about the wreck that is my kitchen.

No, really. It's a total wreck. So bad that the friend who watched my cats had to threaten to thwap me with a rolled up newspaper upon my return. My defense is that that's what depression does to people. And it's honestly true. I just stopped caring about things like knocked over plants and dishes and stains covering the counters. It gets worse, but I'll spare you the details.

However, I have an ace up my sleeve now. I made the leap, and am actually taking a mood stabilizer! The first meds I've ever been on, and it's about damn time.

I lucked into an awesome Psychiatrist who had an opening Thursday morning before I left for DC. He narrowed down all of my life's complicated problems to one specific, simple solution, and wrote me a prescription that I filled the same afternoon. I started taking them that night, and immediately noticed a difference.

Kinda like the first time I got stoned during a major depression, actually.

But the loopiness went away very quickly, and I just feel more...grounded? It's hard to describe without going into all of the backstory, but there are so many little things I've noticed. So far I've had plenty of opportunities to sink into these terribly black moods, only I haven't sunk so far, and I've come back out of them rather easily. I've had a few flashes of wanting to cut myself, but not as strong, and not for too long, and they haven't been around at all the past few days. (I may go into detail about all of this in some other post.) I don't pick at my skin the way that I used to. And now, my first day back at work, I feel more focused than I have in a long while.

I'm really hoping this keeps up. I feel like I'm not ruled by my emotions as much anymore. I feel like I can get stuff done for once. Wow. Please, Goddess, please let this keep up.

Here's to hope, y'all. May it keep us all alive.

5 Comments:

  • At 9:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Your one krazy gal!! You sound super hot, score one for the record books!! I love big league chew!

     
  • At 9:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I agree with anaunamouse, you sound super hott, you must totally be 1337, can i roxor you in your cazsnoxxer?

     
  • At 11:26 PM, Blogger The Fabulous Miss Rose said…

    Um, who are you strange people? ;-)

     
  • At 5:59 PM, Blogger Buck Williams said…

    Bu golly there are some strange anonymous people on the interweb.

    Anywho, I randomly came across you blog. It is interesting. You are an interesting person.

    I'm glad you're enjoying the use of your mood meds. I hope that all works out for you.

    By they way, how does one "sound" super hot? I'm not saying you don't. I mean, you must, so well done you. I'm just wondering how I can receive such a nice compliment from anonymous insane people.

     
  • At 7:34 PM, Blogger The Fabulous Miss Rose said…

    I'm quite flattered that you find me interesting! *blush*

    As for "sounding" hot, the only way I know to do it is to let people on the internet know that you're a girl. Having some sort of intelligence and the ability to understand 1337sp34k probably doesn't hurt neither (my boy seems to dig it *grins*).

     

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