The Girl in Black

Se necesita una poca de gracia.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Edna Earl's gone

The woman who raised my mother for some time passed on at about 4:17 this morning. (Oddly enough, I was awake by some fluke nap that took me from 7pm to 1am and left me to be awake through the early morning.) She isn't my real grandmother, I never knew her well, and I wasn't very close to her, so I shan't call her such. (I never knew my real grandmother, Grace, although apparently I inherited her gift for tarot, and her tendency towards the drink. Or was that my grandfather?)

There's a lot to the history between my mother and Edna Earl, and although I know more of it now that I am older, it's my mother's story to tell, if she chooses to do to. However, there is no love lost there. Just some sadness over how things played out over time. And yet, my mother has made her peace. She even got to say goodbye the night before.

I doubt I will be attending the funeral.

It's funny, because I was telling a nite-owl friend of mine last night how I want a daughter of my own someday (if it's in the stars for me, of course). There is a heritage of women on both sides of my family that has been obscured and convoluted throughout the ages, and I would like to try to make it right if I can. Or bring it further into the light at least. For my true grandmother, lost to time and alcoholism, for my father's mother, trapped in bitterness over being an intelligent woman in an unfortunate time period, and for my own mother, who had little good to go on and still did a pretty damn good job. We don't have our own family names anymore, just the names of our fathers and husbands, but there is still something to pass on. However, if I learned one important thing from my mother, it's to live life for myself first, before devoting any of it to children. And I still have a lot of living to do.

Now watch the Goddess throw me a curve ball, and I get a son instead.

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