The Girl in Black

Se necesita una poca de gracia.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

A Fun Distraction

So there's this website that makes awesome t-shirts,, and Mike's bought a couple of them. My favorite thus far I believe is the one that states "Chester A. Arthur is Totally A. Awesome!" I decided I wanted one of my own, or to see what they had in girly shirts anyway.

Alas! Their selection of women's shirts left me disappointed. No "Keep it Coolidge" for me. So I decided to be proactive and write to the man himself, J. L. Toast. What follows is my letter, and Mister Toast's incredibly prompt and polite response. Good times were had by all I believe, and I just may get my shirts after all!

BTW- go check out the site. There's some really awesome, one-of-a-kind shirts that I can practically guarantee you no one else you know will have. No, I'm not getting paid for this. (I'm not even getting a free t-shirt out of this.)

Dear Mister Toast,

I am a great fan of your wearable dramas! My lover looks quite smart in the shirts he has already purchased from your find establishment.

However, I am terribly distressed with the trend of women’s apparel for sale on your website. I have noticed that all of the shirts lovingly crafted for the female form feature statements that I personally do not wish to make. I appreciate the shirts, I honestly do, but why must they all feature some type of stereotypically “girly” idea such as cute fluffy animals or a “tough-but-cute” statement such as “Heartless”? Where is the women’s t-shirt proclaiming the awesomeness of Chester A. Arthur? The tank top version of “Keepin’ it Coolidge”? Dare I ask that you assume that those female customers who insist on a t-shirt properly fitted for their shape have eyes only for free puppies and not for the wondrous humor of our former presidents or the horrors of Mister Tooth Decay?

I will say, though, that if you have done the marketing research and found that the majority of your female customers that purchase women’s style t-shirts honestly do prefer their meager selection as opposed to the veritable “unisex” smorgasbord you present to all who have no sizeable bust or hips, my hat goes off to you as I am a fellow marketing professional and I wholeheartedly believe in the use of market research to guide one’s sales strategy.

But I really would like to purchase at least one women’s t-shirt featuring one of our former presidents as I am quite the history enthusiast. That, and I would very much like some wearable drama of my very own.


Miss Rose Crowe (the Fabulous)

Dear Miss Rose Crowe,

Your letter reminds of an idea I had last week upon watching people use their teeth to pull out the antennas of their cell phones. Why not flavor the antennas artificially? Maybe a mint? How suprising and refreshing would that be! But sadly, most people I told told this idea to laughed at me twice. The point is, sometimes logic has no place in the marketplace.
You pointed out a truism: girls tend to prefer pink bunnies, et. al.
HOWEVER, I am finding that my core customer is not a fan of pink bunnies, but rather Mr. Arthur, Mr. Coolidge, and the War of 1812. In any buisness, young and old, it takers time to define your niche customer. I think your letter has pushed me closer to realizing who that core customer is. To this end, I thank thee.

Miss Rose, I can offer some ray of hope: our Presidential shirts have done quite well. As they do better, then we would consider breaking out into a version for ladies. Perhaps by the holidays. I will remember your pleas and make it due congress to see to it that you get as you wish. To this task I undertake the uptmost dilligence.

Please thank you male-friend for wearing my shirt with pride. And please tell your five cousins about my fine website.

Fon Du Lac,



  • At 10:10 AM, Blogger AngiGrrrl said…

    Hello then!

    This post will probably sound rather dry against the lively background that I have just left!
    I dug into The Girl in Black and I do really like it. It is not cute. It's witty and charming with cuddly undertones and a vunerablity I find refreshing.
    While I am sad that it is over, I understand your frustration and your yearning to find a new quest.
    However, I think you may have found that your heart has only flexed, and is not, in fact, broken at all.
    Perhaps, The Girl too can flex and change shape and evolve into something new and different.... *shrug*
    Isn't it wonderful to have the whole world open to you?
    Happy Valentines Day to a neato grrrl who I would like to call "friend."


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